It was revealed that London mayoral election candidate Count Binface is polling on the similar numbers as Laurence Fox who has been much more within the highlight.
This was shocking as a result of Count Binface was not anticipated to do even in addition to polling at one per cent.
In truth, Binface is changing into a little bit of a sluggish burn candidate within the election marketing campaign path and has began to step by step win over the hearts of Londoners, one after the other.
In the lead as much as an election which feels extra like a fever dream than real political historical past, you could possibly forgive voters for being taken in by his attraction.
Particularly as a result of folks are realising that Count Binface, who was beforehand referred to as Lord Buckethead and ran in General Election 2019 in opposition to Boris Johnson, actually has some fairly respectable factors in his manifesto.
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Count Binface claims to be 5,965 years previous and describes himself as an “unbiased area warrior,” however that does not imply he is not a person of the folks.
He actually has a reasonably good grip on actual world points and what Londoners actually care about.
For occasion, the very first coverage on his manifesto is to rename London Bridge after Fleabag and Killing Eve author Phoebe Waller Bridge, a nationwide hero. This can solely be described as totally cheap and effectively deserved.
And you could have heard of the value of milk take a look at for politicians, however have you ever ever heard of the croissant inflation method?
A later coverage proposal from Count Binface’s manifesto calls for that no London café ought to be allowed to promote a croissant for multiple pound, which is probably the most sense I’ve heard from a politician in years.
Other cheap embody London being allowed to affix the EU as an unbiased state and speakerphones being banned on public transport, with an accompanying punishment of being compelled to observe the Cats film on repeat day by day for ten years.
Binface, for the numerous and never the few, then requests that every one authorities ministers’ pay, together with the mayor’s, be tied to that of nurses for the following 100 years.
He additionally proposes that the Royal Family be stripped of all palaces bar one, to assist remedy the homelessness disaster. He says that in the event that they complain about their lack of palaces “they are going to be compelled to purchase Crystal Palace FC”.
He additionally has a separate part of his manifesto only for drug use, the place he not solely guarantees to match Sadiq Khan’s pledge to look into decriminalising hashish, however says he may even be offering snacks throughout the capital for anybody who will get the munchies.
He turns his gaze to cocaine, which he claims is the far worse drug, for eel-related causes: “I’ll focus my consideration on the larger drawback of the quantity of Class A medicine sloshing across the capital, which has induced the eels within the Thames to get hooked on cocaine, a lot in order that the eels have turn into actually annoying and will not cease speaking about themselves.”
Count Binface’s manifesto may be learn in full right here:
1. London Bridge to be renamed after Phoebe Waller.
2. Hammersmith Bridge to be repaired, and renamed Wayne after the previous England worldwide footballer.
3. Croydon to get a facelift, sarcastically.
4 No store to be allowed to promote a croissant for greater than £1.
5. Free parking between Vine Street and The Strand (for electrical automobiles solely)
6. HS2 protestors to be allowed to construct their tunnel at Euston, all the best way to Birmingham. To be adopted by a second tunnel that hyperlinks Birmingham to Manchester
7. Finish Crossrail.
8. At Trafalgar Square, Sir David Attenborough to be positioned on the Fourth Plinth. Or a statue of him. Either’s wonderful.
9. Speaker telephones on public transport to be banned. Offenders to be compelled to observe the film model of Cats day by day for a 12 months.
10. London to affix the EU.
11. All authorities ministers’ pay, together with the mayor’s, to be tied to that of nurses for the following 100 years.
12. Loud snacks to be banned from theatres.
13. The Trocadero to be turned again into a really top-notch video arcade.
14. Piers Corbyn to be banished to the Phantom Zone.
15. I’ll create a Smart Speaker’s Corner, changing the standard nutters who stand round at Hyde Park Corner with state-of-the-art know-how that (a) understands the Earth is spherical, and (b) will carry out a fart sound on command. The present incumbents can solely do the latter.
16. On someday yearly, escalators on the Underground to be reversed, encouraging travellers to go up the down escalators and down the up ones, as a free health club and Gladiators simulator multi functional.
17. Mask-wearing in public to be inspired, in the course of the pandemic and past.
18. The Royal Family to maintain one among Buckingham Palace, Kensington Palace, St James’ Palace and Clarence House, with the remaining gifted to the nation to assist eradicate homelessness. If the royals complain that one palace isn’t sufficient, they are going to be compelled to purchase Crystal Palace FC.
19. The hand dryer within the gents’ bathroom on the Crown & Treaty, Uxbridge, to be moved to a extra wise place.
20. Traitors’ Gate to be reopened for enterprise, and to welcome Dido Harding on Day One.
21. Ceefax to be introduced again for all households inside the M25.
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