Beth Pantlin was just 31 when she was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer and the devastating news came eight months after her partner died.
Beth, now 32, from Ash, said her GP first told her it was probably hormonal when she said she was worried about a lump.
“I was told by my GP that I was so young and there was nothing to worry about,” she said. “It was the middle of Covid so they didn’t want to bring me in unduly, but if it was still there in a few weeks I should ring them back.”
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That eased her concern slightly but the lump did not go away, so she went back to the doctor.
She said: “I went to the GP and they sent me for a scan and in the scan – I’m a nurse – I could see the lady opposite and she said ‘it’s not looking great’.
“I knew when I went in that I had cancer because I had to go in on my own. My mum drove me and I went in on my own. The consultant examined me and when I was on the examination couch I thought, ‘oh my gosh, I’ve got cancer. This is outrageous’.
“They hadn’t told me that, but you don’t call someone back for no apparent reason and go into hospital with the surgeon [in the middle of Covid].
‘We thought I was going to die’
When she was told it was cancer, after a scan at Frimley Park Hospital, Beth “just burst into tears crying” and at that point her mum was allowed in as they discussed surgery.
She added: “My mum couldn’t drive me home anyway because she was too upset, so I had to drive home. It was just awful and super scary – my mum, friends and I thought I was going to die.”
After the diagnosis, Beth had to undergo one of the most difficult surgeries for many woman – a mastectomy. The cancer had spread to her lymph nodes.
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Beth said: “It was in the middle of Covid so they said I had to be flat on one side [because reconstructive surgery couldn’t happen straight away]. So I was more upset about that because I was like ‘I’m 31, I’m single, and I’m going to wake up with one boob. It’s too much, it’s just too much’.
“I was sat there thinking ‘I’ve got friends who are having children and I’m going to lose a boob and be like a monster’.”
Beth said that her consultant fought for her to be able to have an immediate reconstruction and she did get one relatively quickly. “But they’re not the same – they look really good and the consultant did a really good job, but it’s not the same as a normal boob because you have to take all the tissue away so it feels hard,” she said.
Having a lymph node clearance has also left her with some nerve damage.
‘People said crazy things to me, like I was getting a free boob job’
Body image is something that many young women have to battle with so losing something that is a symbol of womanhood has been extremely tough for Beth.
She said: “I used to worry about having a belly, so having a whole boob removed is major and I think it’s underestimated. I had so many people saying crazy stuff like ‘oh my god, you’re going to get a free boob job’. I never wanted a boob job, it’s not a free boob job – it’s not a choice, this isn’t my choice. But these things save your life and you’ve got to be bloody grateful.”
Beth said it took until finishing treatment to come to terms with what actually happened.
“I think you have this weird time after treatment finishes where you can’t believe it,” she said. “You’re like ‘s***, what just happened to me?'”
Beth was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer eight months after her partner died
(Image: SurreyLive – Grahame Larter)
‘Eight months after my partner died I got cancer’
A cancer diagnosis at such a young age would be shattering for anyone, but for Beth it came at a time when she was still processing the grief of losing her partner who’d died eight months previously.
She said: “I kept saying to my friends that [having cancer] was not as bad as that. I was grieving for the cancer and for my partner and having to deal with that was really hard. I was living on my own. It’s really tough. Some days you do alright and other days are just really hard.
“I have amazing friends. I also have two dogs who are amazing – I know it sounds stupid but they were by my side all the time and got me out. I couldn’t lounge around every day because I had to take my dogs out.”
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Beth couldn’t work in her job as a nurse for Nuffield Health and was shielding because of her chemotherapy treatment. She said not being able to be her real self was difficult.
She added: “Chemotherapy makes you cognitively impaired. I’m not the smartest person in the world but I’m also not the dumbest. I thought I was losing my mind. I couldn’t remember stuff or work stuff out. I was lucky in some cases because I was on my own, some people have this when they have kids.”
‘You can’t hide losing your hair’
Beth said that she cried her eyes out when half of her hair felt out. Dan and Jo, her two best friends who she formed a support bubble with throughout lockdown, were there when it happened.
She said: “My hair fell out and the femininity – the whole thing just went. Jo came and got the hair clippers. She was crying and I was crying, shaving my hair. You can’t stay sad about everything forever and after a bit, we just started laughing, it was just nice.
“I’ve heard of some people who take mirrors out of their house because they can’t look at themselves. I thought ‘I can’t be like that, this is what I look like now’.
“Dan couldn’t look at me in the eye and he said for the first time, I really looked ill and it was just so upsetting. Losing a boob is one thing but no one really sees that – but losing your hair, that’s cancer right there and you can’t hide it. That was the hardest.”
While chemotherapy is over for Beth, she is undergoing further cancer treatment for another two years because of a mutation and is waiting for another scan in May. She will also have another mastectomy for the other side. She’s also back at work as a nurse, and has recently moved into oncology nursing, to use her experience to help others going through cancer treatment.
Beth is running for the London Marathon and is raising money for Macmillan Cancer Trust. You can donate to her fundraiser here.
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https://www.getsurrey.co.uk/news/surrey-news/ash-woman-told-nothing-worry-23263256
