‘I ranked the boroughs of London by how lame their most famous celebrities are’ – Tom Haynes

What borough of London you reside in is a matter of non-public delight and can doubtless change into the premise to your total persona for those who reside there lengthy sufficient.

In spite of everything, London boroughs every have their very own council, their very own subcultures, and most significantly some are the birthplaces of a few of Britain’s largest celebs.

With the assistance of the geniuses at celebrityborn.com, we have been capable of type the well-known individuals born in London by borough, and under we have ordered them by how lame these individuals are.

We have usually admitted authors and politicians as a result of truthfully, nobody cares, so with that out of the way in which on we go:

Barnet, Brent, Bromley, Redbridge, Richmond upon Thames, Sutton, Waltham Forest: ?/10

Notable native celebrities:

Richmond apart, I used to be not shocked to see these boroughs have but to supply a celeb of be aware. In spite of everything, for those who, at gunpoint, needed to identify as many London boroughs as you possibly can, would Redbridge or Waltham be both of them?

No, you would not. I am not even positive Waltham Forest exists.

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Merton: -5/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • David Walliams (actor, comic, kids’s creator)

David Walliams is exceptionally lame for numerous causes. As a choose on Britain’s Received Expertise his entire schtick is feigning a sexual attraction to Simon – a joke which has solely gotten extra cringeworthy with time.

Oh expensive

His foray into kids’s fiction has additionally had a questionable affect on the trade as an entire. Then there’s Little Britain, a horrible slice of British TV that should not have ever been made. David and Merton need to wallow on the backside right here.

Hillingdon: -4/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Alex Hales (cricketer)
  • Simon Monjack (screenwriter)

To not be impolite however cricket may be very lame. It is not as lame as, say, snooker, however it’s not precisely essentially the most thrilling factor you possibly can be well-known for. Are you able to think about getting invited to an occasion with movie star friends and Alex over right here rocks up speaking about bat stops and wickets and also you flip round to see Simon speaking about… screenwriting? Ew.

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Tower Hamlets: -3/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Peter Inexperienced (musician)
  • Karima Adebibe (actor)
  • Dionne Bromfield (popstar)

Clearly the entire level of celebrities is to be well-known and hand on coronary heart I might not be capable to identify one among these guys if all of them stood in a line and took turns throwing rotten fruit at me. Subsequent!

Camden: -2/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Jess Glynne (popstar)
  • Tulisa (popstar, N-Dubz)

0 Jess Glynne

Jess Glynne all people

Do I really want to elucidate in writing why Jess Glynne is lame? Do we have to revisit the entire Horny Fish debacle of 2020? I do not imagine we do. Tulisa, in the meantime, used to intro herself on The X issue by exhibiting off her ‘Feminine Boss’ tattoo, which I imagine speaks for itself.

Islington: -1/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Peter Ebdon (snooker participant)
  • Helena Bonham Carter (actor)
  • Emily Watson (actor)
  • Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (actor)

Snooker is absolutely lame and I’ve not the slightest thought who any of the remainder of these guys are so -1 is being beneficiant actually.

Lambeth: 0/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Hattie Morahan (actor)
  • Tony Abbott (politician)
  • Simon Cowell (TV producer and persona, music mogul)
  • Naveen Andrews (actor)

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Sorry Simon however you may have gotten lamer over time

If we have been making this record in 2010, Simon Cowell would have pulled Lambeth as much as the highest 5 for positive. Alas we’re in 2021, and Simon continues to be poking the rotting corpse of The X-Consider a really tragic and lame method. The presence of Tony Abbot, a person who has mentioned some very unsavoury issues previously, actually seals the deal right here.

Greenwich: 1/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Marvin Humes (popstar, JLS, radio and TV presenter)
  • Douglas Sales space (actor)
  • Dominic Cooper (actor)

I’m a giant fan of The Wire and an excellent larger fan of All people In Love, however I can not deny they’re each secretly fairly lame issues to get pleasure from. I prefer to think about Marvin and Dom meet up generally for espresso on the observatory and sing Beat once more with one another.

Barking: 1.5/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Rochelle Humes (popstar, The Saturdays, TV presenter)

Rochelle will be the superior Humes, however she is the inferior of The Saturdays primarily based in London. Sadly that is the place she and Barking belong.

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Marvin Humes and spouse Rochelle on vacation in Dubai

Bexley: 2/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Jacqueline Jossa (EastEnders actor)
  • Sam Bailey (X Issue winner)

1 Eastenders

Jac Jossa appeared on Eastender’s for the primary time in 2010

I’m genuinely uncertain why Jaq Jossa is as well-known as she is past being in EastEnders as soon as and Sam Bailey is hands-down the worst X-Issue winner of all time so it is fairly clear they need to be right here.

Havering: 2.5/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Frankie Bridge (popstar, The Saturdays)

0 British Takeaway Awards In Association With Just Eat Arrivals

Frankie Bridge

If a single London Borough held all 5 Saturdays they might all get 2.5 every after which they’d make 10 collectively. Alas, they arrive from completely different boroughs.

Croydon: 3/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Dan Stevens (actor)
  • Stormzy (rapper)
  • Ana Mulvoy-Ten (actor)
  • Philip Inexperienced (businessman)

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I am sorry Stormzy

Okay so Stormzy may be very clearly A Good Egg™ however the presence of Sir Philip Inexperienced as one among Croydon’s very personal actually is sufficient to punt the entire Borough all the way down to the underside. In spite of everything, it is smart – for different individuals to be introduced down by Sir Phil over right here.

Kingston Upon Thames: 3.2/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Debbie McGee (radio host)
  • Tom Holland (actor)
  • Jonny Lee Miller (actor)

Tom Holland obsesses very area of interest corners of the web for an entire slew of causes I am not going to enter, however he is high-quality (???) I suppose? I am undecided who Debbie McGee is however I am positive she’s pretty too..

Ealing: 3.5/10

Notable native celebrities:

0 Kit Harrington

Such a good-looking however each so barely lame gentleman

I’m putting Package right here purely on the premise I feel he might beat Tom Holland in a battle, and in hindsight, this could have knowledgeable the complete record however it’s too late now.

Kensington and Chelsea: 4/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Stephen Dillane (actor)
  • Virginia Woolf (author)
  • Andrew Lloyd Webber (composer, and so on.)
  • Dido (popstar)
  • Daniel Day-Lewis (actor)

I Love Dido, really I do, however for those who have been going to ask the Fairy Godmother for a popstar to be your next-door neighbour it could not be Dido. Ditto for those who have been to call a celeb and the primary individual you possibly can consider was an creator who died over 100 years in the past you’d look fairly lame.

Enfield: 5/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Laura Haddock (actor)
  • Megan Prescott (actor)
  • Alfie Deyes (YouTuber, “not a Tory”)
  • Kathryn Prescott (actor)
  • Michelle Ryan (actor)
  • Louie Spence (dancer)
  • Bruce Forsyth (TV Presenter)

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Bruce Forsyth on Strictly Come Dancing

Clearly, Bruce Forsyth is price a high 10 placement on his personal, however sadly Alfie Deyes is true there – looming just like the ghost of horrible YouTuber apologies previous. Enfield can also be barely London so we’re being beneficiant placing them on this record to start with.

Hounslow: 5.5/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • MIA (rapper)
  • Naomi Scott (actor)

MIA as soon as flipped the hen on the Superbowl and that is very unlame certainly, however I’ve actually no thought who Naomi Scott is, so I suppose we’ll whack Hounslow proper right here within the center.

Newham: 6/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Jermain Defoe (footballer)
  • Danny Dyer (EastEnders legend)

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What a person

You may argue that Danny Dyer is only one man and should not account for such a excessive placement on the drive of his personal legendary power. You’d be fallacious, however you possibly can argue it.

Harrow: 6.2/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Tom Fletcher (popstar, McFly)
  • Michael Rosen (novelist, “good”)
  • Peter Andre (popstar, tabloid darling)
  • Dev Patel (actor)

I imply… simply watch this.

Westminster: 6.5/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • John Nolan (actor)
  • Brooklyn Beckham (mannequin)
  • Pixie Geldof (mannequin)
  • Prince Harry (uhm… prince?)
  • Joshua Sasse (actor)
  • Kelly Osborne (TV persona)
  • David Cameron (politician)
  • Jason Connery (actor)
  • Dua Lipa (popstar)
  • Damian Lewis (actor)

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Dua with herself in Madame Tussauds

  • Prince William (royal)
  • Emily Ratajowski (mannequin)
  • Carey Mulligan (actor)
  • Joan Collins (actor)
  • Noel Fielding (comic)
  • Elizabeth II (the precise Queen)
  • Matt Lucas (actor)
  • Tom Hiddleston (actor)
  • Georgia Might Jagger (mannequin)
  • Kiefer Sutherland (actor)
  • Christopher Nolan (director)
  • Emma Thompson (actor)
  • Rachel Weisz (actor)

1 Shockwaves NME Awards 2008 Arrivals February 2008

Noel Fielding will not be lame

Does the Queen depend as a celeb? I am not so positive. in any case a variety of celebrities hail from Westminster and the vibes of mentioned celebrities differ tremendously. David Cameron, as an example? Dangerous vibes. Noel Fielding? Good vibes. Dua Lipa? Properly that is dependent upon how you are feeling about worldwide journey throughout a pandemic.

Elsewhere the celeb creds listed below are just a little bit wild – it feels very random that Brooklyn Beckham and Kelly Osbourne have been born right here and but they have been. For sheer quantity alone you actually have to present it to Westminster, however idk everybody right here appears just a little too posh to be a top-three contender.

Hammersmith: 7/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Sacha Baron Cohen (actor)
  • Benedict Cumberbatch (actor)
  • Lily Allen (popstar)
  • Konnie Huq (TV presenter)
  • Dame Helen Mirren (actor)
  • Daniel Radcliffe (actor)
  • Tom Hardy (actor)
  • Cara Delevigne (mannequin)

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Konnie Huq introduced the west London awards

Hammersmith boasts amount, however the high quality is a combined bag. Sacha Barron Cohen’s comedy makes me wish to vom, and the identical is true of a few of Lily Allen’s music. However Konnie Huq’s chaotic Xtra issue presenting will at all times be iconic, and Dame Helen Mirren is actually Dame Helen Mirren, so a seven is an acceptable ranking imo.

Hackney: 7.5/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Idris Elba (actor)
  • Alan Sugar (businessman, TV persona)
  • Maddy Hill (actor)
  • Labrinth (musician)

Idris is for positive a nationwide treasure, and Alan Sugar is undeniably traditional. And what? Generally I take heed to Earthquake whereas I am out working and it nonetheless slaps. A commendable high 4 placement however nobody right here fairly transcendent sufficient to bump it up any additional.

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Sure, Idris Elba is from Hackney

Lewisham: 8/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Alexander McQueen (dressmaker)
  • Jude Legislation (actor)
  • Greg James (radio host, my fave)
  • Jessica Hynes (actor)

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What a person, an entire vibe

Okay, I will be actual I’m not a fashionista so Alexander McQueen does not actually do it for me and I can not say I’m massively into Jude Legislation both. However I’m a current convert to Radio 1 and Greg James has been an simple saving grace of lockdown 3 – he is charming, endlessly enthusiastic, and performs Taylor Swift with out fail every single day.

Southwark: 9/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Mia Goth (actor)
  • Tim Roth (actor)
  • Rio Ferdinand (soccer participant, commentator)
  • Michael Caine (actor)
  • Sally Hawkins (actor)

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Veteran: Rio Ferdinand

Perhaps I am biased as a result of I reside in Southwark, however except for being dwelling to some glorious breweries, it gave us Rio Ferdinand (a great boi) and Michael Caine who’s a bona fide pillar of British tradition.

Wandsworth: 10/10

Notable native celebrities:

  • Mollie King (popstar, The Saturdays)
  • Emily Blunt (actor)
  • Nigella Lawson (movie star chef, basic legend)
  • Jim Sturgess (actor)
  • Winston Marshall (musician)
  • Freya Edmondson (actor)
  • Jimmy White (snooker participant)
  • Lesley-Anne Down (actor)

0 Nigella Lawson

The queen – and the least lame celeb ever

Look, on any day having the ability to declare the perfect Saturday as one among your personal could be sufficient to make the highest 10 however when Wandsworth may declare Nigella Lawson it is a carried out deal.

Nigella will not be solely the perfect movie star Londoner she is perhaps the perfect movie star ever and it could be no exaggeration to say I might die for her – a deserving winner.

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